The silent stalker that nobody’s talking about
By Anna Gelbman Edmonds
I’ll never forget the moment when a colleague of mine casually said to a small group of people we were chatting with, “Anna has caregiver trauma.” I’d never heard the term before and didn’t know what she was referring to — or why. I share that story in detail in my podcast episode “A Caregiver’s War Story.”
Since then I’ve given it a lot of thought and learned that I wasn’t the only one who’d never heard of caregiver trauma before; it’s not a widely discussed topic. That’s surprising because I’ve also learned that providing care for a family member is a leading cause of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Unfortunately, the condition often goes undetected and untreated. That’s because the individual receiving care is usually the focus of both healthcare providers and family members.
What is caregiver trauma?
First, it’s important to understand that trauma can be both physical and psychological. According to Merriam-Webster, trauma is defined (a) as an injury to living tissue; and (b) a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury. In other words, trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that leaves a wound.
As the former caregiver to my mother, I know exactly how stressful that role is. She herself didn’t make is difficult, but the day in and day out of tending to her needs did. So much so that I neglected many of my own. If severe dementia or Alzheimer’s is part of the mix, the strain on the caregiver can be extreme. Below are only some of the overwhelming issues caregivers, many of whom are also raising children and/or working outside the home, manage on a daily basis.
- Handling the financial obligations of medical bills
- Being the decision maker about their loved one’s medical care
- Coping mentally and physically while tending to a loved one (either at home or in a senior living facility)
- Dealing with anxiety when the loved one is hospitalized or medically quarantined
- Maintaining their job despite absences from work due to caregiving demands
- Watching the decline in their loved one’s mental and/or physical health
- Sustaining a healthy family dynamic with spouses, children and siblings
Warning flags for caregivers
Caregiver trauma can exhibit in ways very different from other types of PTSD. And, as in my case, it may not manifest or be recognized until after caregiving responsibilities have concluded. Therefore, it’s important for both the caregiver and other family members, friends and colleagues to be aware of any signs.
- Apathy leaves one feeling emotionally detached from loved ones.
- Caregiver Burnout presents as physical, emotional, and/or spiritual exhaustion that can be accompanied by feelings of grief and hopelessness.
- Flashbacks often trigger the same level of emotion as the original experience.
- Anxiety frequently can be especially noticeable at exhibits at night, leading to insomnia or night terrors.
- Physical Pain tied to anxiety can be overwhelming, and can manifest as upset stomach and headaches.
Getting Help for Caregiver Trauma
Taking breaks from caregiving role is a critical first step — even an hour once a week will help. Let family members and friends know that you are struggling and that you could use more support. Don’t be afraid to confide in neighbors, clergy and even work colleagues that you need help. People actually enjoy helping in ways that they can. Having someone pick up prescriptions for you, cook an occasional meal, or go for a brisk walk with you are all things that relieve some pressure.
Consider getting some in-home help, with either your household duties or caregiving responsibilities. I hired someone to take care of my lawn and paid for a housekeeping service. Having groceries delivered is another errand buster. Or, roll it all into one and look into having a professional in-home senior care company match your needs with one of their caregivers.
Talking to your primary care physician is always a good idea when one is feeling exhausted or in pain. Caregivers have a 63% greater risk of death due to stress than the person they’re caring for. Your doctor may be able to refer you to a therapist or counselor specifically trained in treating PTSD. And, if you’re spiritual, talk to your clergy person.
